Show me you love me….

________________________________Monday___________________________

J: I don’t believe you. You write and write and write and for what? What does it really mean when you say you love me?

D: What else do you want? I tell you everyday that you’re my whole world.

J: Exactly, you’ve told me. Meaningless words. It’s…. insulting.

D: But I live 3000 miles away from you, what more than words can we have right now? I’ve never even seen you and, still, I’m here every night all night.

J: Well, if there’s someplace you’d rather be then I guess that’s proof enough.

D: That’s not what I meant…

J: I don’t go on webcam because I am not interested in being a plaything. I thought you wanted to connect on a deeper level, but if you’re just looking for something to get you off there’s thousands of tube sites. I thought you were different, but you’ve shown me you’re not. Never speak to me again.

J has left the chat

D: No! Don’t go, I love you let me prove it?

J is offline and cannot receive messages

______________________________Tuesday____________________________

J has logged in

J has accepted your invitation

J has joined the chat

D: Thank god I thought you meant what you said last night.

D: I was panicked all day.

D: Say something?

J has left the chat

D: It can’t be over… please

J is offline and cannot receive messages

D: Please come back

J is offline and cannot receive messages

D: I can’t go back to being invisible

J is offline and cannot receive messages

______________________________Wednesday___________________________

J has logged in

J has accepted your invitation

J has joined the chat

D:I cut myself when you left last night

J: Where?

D: I don’t want to be in the world without you, I can’t be in the world without you

J: Where?

D: I love you I’m sorry please don’t stop talking to me again?

J: Where?

D: My thigh

J: Why?

D: I had work today, I couldn’t let my co-workers or my manager see

J: So, you’re ashamed of your feelings for me?

D: What?

D: Oh my god, no! I, just, I’d get in trouble… I can’t afford to lose this job

J: So, you begged me to come back to tell me how meaningless I am to you?

J: This was a mistake

J has left the chat

D: I can’t do this

J is offline and cannot receive messages

D: Please

J is offline and cannot receive messages

D: WHAT WILL IT TAKE?????

J is offline and cannot receive messages

_______________________________Thursday___________________________

J has logged in

J has accepted your invitation

J has joined the chat

D: I carved a J into the back of my hand

J: Show me

D has sent a .jpeg file

J has received a .jpeg file

J: Hm, maybe you do care for me after all…

D: I do, I swear I do. I’ll do anything for you. Give me your address I’ll buy a plane ticket tonight!

J: And there it is, you just wanna fuck me. What, you think your pathetic little scratches earn you a ticket into my bed?

J: Seriously?

J: You disgust me.

J: How could I have EVER thought you were…. the one

J has left the chat…

D: I AM THE ONE

J is offline and cannot receive messages

D: GODDAMNIT

J is offline and cannot receive messages

D: you’re the only person who ever saw value in me

J is offline and cannot receive messages

D: you’re the only one who ever wanted me and I fucked it up

J is offline and cannot receive messages

D: I wish I’d never been born

J is offline and cannot receive messages

________________________________Friday_____________________________

 

J has logged in

J has accepted your invitation

J has joined the chat

D: How can I prove it?

D: What can I do?

D: I’ll do anything…

J: If I tell you what to do, then you’re just fucking copying me

J: It has to come from you

J: I can’t believe I have to explain that

D: You liked it when I carved a J into my hand though?

D: That showed you my commitment, right?

J: I’d hardly say that was “carved”

J: What did you use… a safety pin?

D: I can do better

J: More words

J: This is getting boring

D: Wait… I’ll show you I can do better

J: How?

J: Why should I waste my time for another little scratching session?

D has sent a .jpeg file

J has received a .jpeg file

J: I guess that demonstrates more… commitment

D: I told you

D: I love you

D: You’re the only one who has ever cared….

J: I don’t know if this latest… cutting really demonstrates all of that….

D: I’ll do more

D: Should it be deeper?

D: Do you want me to cut someplace else

D: What’s your full name… I’ll carve it over my heart

J: You lack imagination

 

J has left the chat

D: NO!

J is offline and cannot receive messages

D: Please no

J is offline and cannot receive messages

D: I’d die for you

J is offline and cannot receive messages

 

_____________________________Saturday______________________________

J has logged in

J has declined your invitation

J has declined your invitation

J has rejected your .jpeg file

J has rejected your .mov file

J has declined your invitation

J is offline and cannot receive messages

_______________________________Sunday_____________________________

J has logged in

J has accepted your invitation

J has joined the chat

D: I’ll die for you

J: No you wouldn’t

J: I’m not going to come back in here for you to lie to me

D: I will

D: Is that what you want?

D: We can die together

D: Then we’ll be together forever

D: I can’t be without you J, these last few days have been hell

D: I’d rather not be alive at all than have to face the world alone again

J: So, you want us to die together?

D: Yes

D: It’s perfect

D: Together forever

D: We’ll leave this world behind

J: How would you want to do it?

D: I’ve always been partial to cutting

D: Is that acceptable to you?

D: I’ve always thought it was beautiful feeling the warmth leave

J: I prefer pills

J: Scars are not my thing, but you can cut yourself.

D: When?

J: Why wait?

J: If you love me as much as you say you do….

D: Now?

J: Unless you were lying to me again….

D: No, no, I’m not lying

D: I’m ready

D: You’re all I have

J is video calling you…..

D has answered with video

D: “You’re perfect”

J: “I know “

D: “I love your smile”

D: “You’re younger than I thought you would be”

J: “You’re exactly how I pictured you”

J: “Cutting takes longer than pills, so… you go first”

D: “Ok”

D: “Are you sure you want to do this?”

J: “Are you backing out?”

D: “No”

D: “Of course not”

D: “Ok, where do you want me to cut? I could do my wrists… so we’ll get the most time together before……”

J: “That’s fine”

J: “Are we doing this or not?”

D: “Ok”

D: *cuts left forearm from elbow to palm*

J: “And the other side”

D: *cuts right forearm from elbow to palm*

J: “You actually did it”

D: “I love you”

J: ”I’m impressed”

D: “I’m doing this for you”

D: “….. aren’t you going to take your pills?”

D: “I’ve only got about 10 minutes until I pass out….”

J: *Looks off camera*

J: *addressing someone off camera*

J: “Well, you had the under, you win this round”

D: “Wait…”

D: ”What?”

D: “Who are you talking to?”

J: “That isn’t any of your business you little maggot”

J: “You just lost me this round”

J: “You weren’t supposed to off yourself yet”

J: “You’re more pathetic than even I thought, and I’m the one that had to sit through your insipid love crap for…. What….. 3 months?”

D: “Oh my god”

D: “Oh my god”

J: *laughing*
J: “oh my god oh my god oh my god”

J: “CHRIST you’re such a little bitch…”

D: *softly*

D: “It was all fake”

J: “OF COURSE it was fake you jackass”

J: “Did you REALLY think someone could love you?”

J: “I bet no one will even go to your funeral.”

J: “GOD you WERE such a pointless waste of a life”

J: “HA! Were”

D: ”Call an ambulance”

J: *Laughs*
J: “No”

D: “Please, I don’t want to die like this”

J: “You’re doing the world a favor”

D: “They’ll catch you”

J: “How?”

J: “You don’t even know my name? You don’t know where I live…. All you have is one letter attached to an email address…..”

J: “Besides… who would really find your suicide so suspicious they’d actually look?”

D: “Please”

D: “I love you”

J: “You’re pathetic”

J has disconnected

J has left the chat

J is offline and cannot receive messages

 

_________________________________________________________________

-EJoveJohnson

 

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