There's a story in the rain soaked pavement
Reaching ahead of me
Unfolding in my immediate future while I linger somewhere in my already past
I see my reflection merge with your reflection
For a moment neither the sun, the stars, or the moon can eclipse our union with their light
Somehow we found each other in the darkness
I first learned the taste of your soul in the utter absence of any but your light
It's fitting that those far flung celestial engines flicker out in our presence
Even the heavens know they could never compete

Pretender to the Crown

Self serving egoist, would be king
You are my hierophant reversed
Mentor and manipulator
You love me only in so far as you control me
Wielding facsimile enlightenment
Peddling holy profundity ad nauseum
Freedom is your fear
You wear it vividly in every grasping attempted sabotage
In ever condescension
Tumbling from your painted lips in frenetic assaults on my choices
Increasingly excluding you
Because, you are not and never were my friend
And, perhaps, there is some part of you that knows
I know
Don't worry though, dear leader
I shall be your crucible

Such a lovely place

What do you do when the chips are down 


You've bet them all on the wrong horse


Maybe not the wrong horse

Per se

But, like, maybe the horse wasn't aware of the race

And here you are holding the bag

Buying the farm

And realizing there's no bridge to cross with your chickens 

Because life does this weird thing where it keeps changing

The only thing you or I or we can be sure of is that we can't actually be sure of anything 

Because I swear to god, or gods, or goddess, or Oprah 

That last week my biggest concern was buying non toxic make up 

And today 

I'm figuring out where to go with my career

Deciding decisively the trajectory of my life

I'm facing down the love of my life 

Who sees my dream or our life

As his worst nightmare


To boot

I definitely put those five pounds back on 

So where exactly do I go from here

How do I begin to think about tomorrow as anything more than the blade of a guillotine 

Because all I want to do 

Right now

Is Netflix and coma 

To arrive at the mirage 

Check in to the Hotel California 

And call it a life

Because I have not one solitary clue 

What to do


Where to go

I've built this life full of strangers 

For a stranger 

I've never met 

And here I am 

Unsurprisingly alone



Like a mirage at the edge of a waterfall


Coat Tails

This is uncomfortable


Am uncomfortable

Decision point approaches

And this time it's my choice 


Is it

Because whichever way I choose 

Is loss

Whichever way I choose

Is risk

And I don't know who I am yet


How can I make that bet

Because all I have 

Is a list of what I'm not

A dogged determination that I'm not quite sure what to do with 

I am frenetic energy spiraling toward entropy 

And, possibly

Taking everything I love with me 

Yet somehow decision point approaches

And this time it's my choice


A helpful tree for grieving

I want to leave nothing left unsaid Leave

Nothing to chance 

If only, at close of day, there were no ellipses

But I know I’ll forget something important


We’ll talk about the meaning of life but I’ll forget to say I love you

Or maybe

I love you is all I’ll get out


Despite Shakespeare

An entire life can’t be condensed into a single soliloquy

All the things I should have said won’t get said and one day you’ll be gone 


I’ll be gone

Whoever goes first, there will definitely be a loss 


I am not equipped for that unprepared ending

I am not prepared to say goodbye before I’ve told you that I love the way your hair smells like summer vacation 


Yours are the strongest hands I’ve ever held 

That you’re my swan in Monet’s water lilies and you’ve always been the lighthouse guiding me home

If the number of things I have to tell you was directly proportional to the amount of time I’d have to tell them to you

I’d read you every entry on google in every language ever spoken 


That’s not how it works is it

One day you’ll be gone


I’ll be gone 

Whoever goes first there will definitely be a loss


I am not prepared for the ending 


Apex Magazine Contest Submission #1

My Darling Eponine,

I knew the moment I first saw you, that you had been put on this Earth expressly for me. Kindling a fire I thought had long since been extinguished. How I loved you, and hated you, for averting those beautiful eyes from my gaze. Too soon though your father took you from me, and my world grew dimmer for your absence.


Beloved, I went into every shop inquiring after you. It took rather vigorous inquiry but Ms. Tibbs, at the patisserie, eventually conceded. Her death was not intended, but such are the consequences of trying to deny fate!


Sweetheart, I must make a small confession. Your sainted father did not catch his foot in the carpet before falling down the stairs. Alas, he too tried to deny our love. I could not allow him to stand in our way; he had to be sacrificed for the sake of our destiny. Likewise, I dispatched your mother. How could she possibly have gone on without your father? I am, you see, a merciful soul.


Dear heart, that is all behind us now, and I am resolute that this could have been the only path for us. We are unencumbered by convention or intervention, free, to be with only each other for all the rest of eternity. Watching the sun crest over your pale cheek I was overcome. You never woke as I closed my hands around your neck.


I wonder cherub, was that love’s spell or laudanum.




Show me you love me….


J: I don’t believe you. You write and write and write and for what? What does it really mean when you say you love me?

D: What else do you want? I tell you everyday that you’re my whole world.

J: Exactly, you’ve told me. Meaningless words. It’s…. insulting.

D: But I live 3000 miles away from you, what more than words can we have right now? I’ve never even seen you and, still, I’m here every night all night.

J: Well, if there’s someplace you’d rather be then I guess that’s proof enough.

D: That’s not what I meant…

J: I don’t go on webcam because I am not interested in being a plaything. I thought you wanted to connect on a deeper level, but if you’re just looking for something to get you off there’s thousands of tube sites. I thought you were different, but you’ve shown me you’re not. Never speak to me again.

J has left the chat

D: No! Don’t go, I love you let me prove it?

J is offline and cannot receive messages


Continue reading “Show me you love me….”