Pretender to the Crown

Self serving egoist, would be king
You are my hierophant reversed
Mentor and manipulator
You love me only in so far as you control me
Wielding facsimile enlightenment
Peddling holy profundity ad nauseum
Freedom is your fear
You wear it vividly in every grasping attempted sabotage
In ever condescension
Tumbling from your painted lips in frenetic assaults on my choices
Increasingly excluding you
Because, you are not and never were my friend
And, perhaps, there is some part of you that knows
I know
Don't worry though, dear leader
I shall be your crucible


The intimacy of proximity

Otherwise strangers rest together softly

Momentary bedfellows on buses

Distinct lives, histories, and futures 

Collide in an infinitude of fleeting encounters 

The ephemera of their unknown 


Her perfume in my hair 

His coat on my skin 

The accidental chiaroscuro of sunlight and clavicle exposed in unintended sleep

Captured, filtered, remembered




In confidence he spoke of angels
Transcendent beings who whispered in his dreams
They told him how to save a life
Not his
But, a child’s
He drove his motorcycle off a bridge
She lived
– Though the doctors said she wouldn’t
So did he
– No one’s quite sure how
That wasn’t the point
He wasn’t the point
Theirs were not the secrets of longevity
They spoke of sacrifice
A choice
To balance some incomprehensible cosmic scale
They found the right dose of seroquel
They never spoke again
Angels aren’t real
Unless you’re mad


The creeping death of autumnal chill
Bringing an inevitable end to all that is verdant
Dreams fall as leaves to anonymous oblivion
And again, I am here
Returned to the crossroads
Again, alone
Will I always be so
Have I some flaw in form or function
Some deficit of soul
That renders my self so profoundly unworthy
Name that which I should change and it is done
There is no voice here but the wind
No heartbeat but the echo of my steps
My appeal for reprieve
Falls silently on solitude’s ears


People experience in different ways
I, am no different
In that
My experience, is different from yours
I will not perform my experience
Appease your expectations
I will not
Perform for you
The ritual of superficial fealty in the court of public opinion
You hashtag for justice
Selfie for attention
Petition the gods of social media for recognition
That can be defined in advertising dollars
That is not how i experience the world
I will not lie for you


I always meant to keep a journal
Then I met you
We got so busy living
Writing it all down got lost along the way
I panic the world is spinning so damn fast
Forget your golden constellation irises
I hold you
How could I not
Solace, in my infinitude of kisses written on your skin


If the world was ice

Each a stilled moment

Static in a world gone grey for lack of change

Or instead the world was fire

Each a fading tendril of smoke

Ashen in a world reduced to cinder

Still, I would find a way to you


The memory of however you might have been

Because, even in blackness beyond dark


Are vivid


I went to sleep a little girl wondering at existence


I woke up a woman horrified by her world at war

Surrounded by the asymmetry of industrialization

We, as a species, have made the Earth shudder on her axis

More than once

In a single day, more people than I could hope to know in a lifetime

Die, unnoticed

Multiplied a hundred times, the number of non-human cohabitants killed with less thought still

How long since we last regarded our giver of life, our planet, as a treasure entrusted to our care


Anything more than a convenience of materials to be stripped bare

NASA has a fleet of nuclear warheads pointed skyward for planetary defense


WE are the extinction level event

The selfish nihilistic greed of infants incarnate

Floating fetish to fetish in the techno-stupor of the twenty-first century

Ensconced from emotion by the Narcoceutical war on social responsibility

I want the world to break my heart

I want to wake up angry, afraid of our free fall to oblivion

I want to fall asleep with eyes on fire for my refusal to waste tears in place of action


However we gild it

This is life amid ruins

Populated by the ghosts of people not yet dead

And it should not be a vacation

I would rather awaken to the cataclysmic reality of Oz than gaze at its rainbows


The almost absent
Excruciating luxurious temptation
How long until your vibrance fades
You are a name
Ephemeral, someone
I could have loved
I should have loved
Always did
Know the answer to your question
As the siren song scent of your skin
As the warmth of summer dancing in your honey eyes
Never meant to rest on mine
Tantalizing almost forever
How many happy moments there could have been
Would have been
With you, complacency
Stifling enmeshment in a world to which I do not belong
Self, sacrificed
And you
Forever chasing a horizon you’ve never seen
Attached to one unbound from this place
In time despairing your love of this dreamer
We part
Never tasting our fate
Suspending ourselves in untested infatuation
Remaining for each other a verdant possibility
Forever my favorite and most addictive agony
I choose to let you get away
Thank you
For the time to learn how not to love you