Such a lovely place

What do you do when the chips are down 


You've bet them all on the wrong horse


Maybe not the wrong horse

Per se

But, like, maybe the horse wasn't aware of the race

And here you are holding the bag

Buying the farm

And realizing there's no bridge to cross with your chickens 

Because life does this weird thing where it keeps changing

The only thing you or I or we can be sure of is that we can't actually be sure of anything 

Because I swear to god, or gods, or goddess, or Oprah 

That last week my biggest concern was buying non toxic make up 

And today 

I'm figuring out where to go with my career

Deciding decisively the trajectory of my life

I'm facing down the love of my life 

Who sees my dream or our life

As his worst nightmare


To boot

I definitely put those five pounds back on 

So where exactly do I go from here

How do I begin to think about tomorrow as anything more than the blade of a guillotine 

Because all I want to do 

Right now

Is Netflix and coma 

To arrive at the mirage 

Check in to the Hotel California 

And call it a life

Because I have not one solitary clue 

What to do


Where to go

I've built this life full of strangers 

For a stranger 

I've never met 

And here I am 

Unsurprisingly alone



Like a mirage at the edge of a waterfall



I went to sleep a little girl wondering at existence


I woke up a woman horrified by her world at war

Surrounded by the asymmetry of industrialization

We, as a species, have made the Earth shudder on her axis

More than once

In a single day, more people than I could hope to know in a lifetime

Die, unnoticed

Multiplied a hundred times, the number of non-human cohabitants killed with less thought still

How long since we last regarded our giver of life, our planet, as a treasure entrusted to our care


Anything more than a convenience of materials to be stripped bare

NASA has a fleet of nuclear warheads pointed skyward for planetary defense


WE are the extinction level event

The selfish nihilistic greed of infants incarnate

Floating fetish to fetish in the techno-stupor of the twenty-first century

Ensconced from emotion by the Narcoceutical war on social responsibility

I want the world to break my heart

I want to wake up angry, afraid of our free fall to oblivion

I want to fall asleep with eyes on fire for my refusal to waste tears in place of action


However we gild it

This is life amid ruins

Populated by the ghosts of people not yet dead

And it should not be a vacation

I would rather awaken to the cataclysmic reality of Oz than gaze at its rainbows


She left, knowing that she would not come back
That sometime between here and home
The ritual folding and burning of innocence
Leaving nothing left for post partum speculation
Dreams, discarded with the ideals of youth
For some other better hero
Exchanged for one soft moment of undignified peace
Magnified ad infinitum in the lens of common decency
Responsibility and the decisions that one cannot take back
Paths that somehow cannot be changed
Sweet saccharine numb of surrender that came too late
She doesn’t love here anymore
She, doesn’t live